Welcome to the end of May …. Lets talk about Mother’s Day – what a glorious day it was, weather-wise.

Beautiful weather on important days such as Mother’s day cannot change the impact the day has on people who are reminded of a loss, or a significantly sad life changing event. My prayers on mother’s day every year are with other mum’s who, for one reason or another, cannot share the day in person with their children or their mum, whether it be through death, illness, distance or some other reason.

Mother’s Day for me is bitter sweet because I am reminded of the love I share with my three children, even though one of my children cannot be here to celebrate with me because of his death nearly 13 years ago. The feeling of sadness, for me at this time, is mixed with joy. My comfort is obtained through contact with my children Mark and Christian and my step children Michael and Jennifer and our mum to be, Amy. It is fair to say though that Justin is with me no matter what day it is. He is ever present in my thoughts and he would be delighted to know that he never ages, always remaining young and handsome at 23 years of age!

Along with the missing of someone it is often inevitable that we might be reminded of regret from the past; one that we now cannot change because that person is no longer present in our life for us to be able to rectify an error or make amends. Clients talk with me about this regret and how it sits unresolved in their hearts. This is where the power of prayer comes into play. While we cannot reconcile the regret we can soften the pain in our heart with prayer, by asking for forgiveness if we feel we have wronged another or made a poor judgment, or by asking for our loved one to be forgiven for pain they may have, in effect, caused.

To whom, or to what we pray is unimportant. The prayer can be adapted to suit any individual of any particular deity. Prayer is used as a ceremony, a doctrine, a symbol, a ritual. In essence the method goes like this. First we give thanks for everything in our life for which we are grateful; we list every one of these, one after the other. When we have completed our list of thanks we can then ask for something, such as “please help me to forgive myself for my perceived regret regarding ….” or “please forgive … for the hurt he/she may have caused to….” or “please give me the strength to move on from …..” and so on.

Over time the power of prayer is huge. It opens doors, unlocks pain, expands our ability to love, gives us peace, builds our self worth and our capacity to forgive ourself and others. It is best to pray regularly, at least twice a day; in the morning on waking and at night prior to sleep. Try it, you might like it!

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Emily and Jason made poor choices in their marriage and they came for counselling when each realised they wished to make amends and stay in the marriage. Neither knew where to start to rebuild trust, respect and loyalty. It seemed too hard to right the wrongs and to forgive. I began by suggesting that the wrongs cannot be righted but they can learn to forgive – both themself and the other.

Both Emily and Jason had ‘betrayed’ the marriage by choosing to be sexually intimate with others. Emily and Jason tended to point score – his misdemeanours were worse, or more than hers, or vice versa. Both were keen to blame the other for their own betrayal – “if you loved me more I would not have done it”. Betrayal is betrayal, no matter what.

Emily and Jason came to realise that no good purpose was served by going over and over the past because the past could not be changed. They also realised that their thoughts about who did what, or when, or how, and who was better or worse than the other, were irrational and therfore useless because their perceptions about these matters were vastly different.

At this point a change for the better occurred in their relationship and both looked to the future with more positivity. To achieve this Emily and Jason accepted their personal part in the past, apologised to each other, forgave themself and the other, made a pact to not go there again and began to move forward. With this shift to the future came the ability to build new values together and to set new goals.

Both Emily and Jason knew exactly what they did not want in the future [that being what they had in the past] and both committed to making certain they each took personal responsibility for their own future behaviour. If they behaved respectfully they would be respected, trust would grow, loyalty would build and no betrayal would occur.

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Wishing you healthy well-being

Shirley C.

Welcome.

Yesterday when I drove via the beach to the gym I was awestruck by the breath taking view of the rising sun over the water at Maroochydore beach. Currently I am sitting at my desk writing this newsletter wishing that my office afforded the same view. No matter how emotionally drained I feel I know that being near the water is very uplifting for me.

The continuance of beautiful weather cannot be relied upon so my theory is ‘make hay while the sun shines’! I equate this old proverb to getting the most from each precious day because we do not know what the next day will bring. I am reminded of this each day during counselling sessions when I hear what is happening for many of my clients. The human spirit is very strong but I do wonder at what point our resilience begins to break down when subjected to prolonged suffering.

My advice to those experiencing a troubling life event is to find someone you respect and trust them with your story. Oten we feel very alone thinking others will not want to be burdened with our news or believing they will not understand. I think we do these people a disservice when we do not reach out. Remember, if they were in difficulty we would not feel burdened if they approached us, and so it works in reverse.

When life is turned upside down support is vital. Family and friends are invaluable at this time, however, if they are not available to us we must reach out to someone within the community who can take their place; perhaps a professional such as a counsellor or doctor or a pastor or spiritual leader. There is someone there if we trust enough to look.

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Yesterday at 12.30pm I lined up to pay for groceries at a Maroochydore food store and in front of me was a male who reeked of alcohol. He tried to ask the female attendant for $10 cash out. She did not understand his request because he could barely speak, stumbling over his words. Politely she asked him to repeat his request. She laughed nervously as she clarified his request and he was noticibly irritated by this and then, when she gave him the $10, he slammed his hand down abusively on the counter before he picked up his money and left. Both the young girl and I got a fright. I murmured a few words of support to the girl who was very shaken and she was very grateful that I had been there to witness the aggression he directed toward her.

I watched this man walk out to the carpark hoping he was not intending to drive because I intended reporting him; fortunately for him he climbed into the passenger seat of a waiting car. I even questioned if my duty was to report the incident. I chose not to but am left wondering how far this man might have gone with his anger had the young girl continued to indicate she could not understand him.

This incident leaves me feeling saddened by the human spirit of some people – that they can vent their unhappiness and aggression on someone, and think that is ok.

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Camile and Des came to counselling when their marriage was falling apart. Camile needed space from Des and time to think clearly about the marraige so asked Des to agree to a trial separation. Camile said Des was demanding and disrespectful. Des said Camile owed it to him and the children to stay in the marriage because ‘marriage is forever, no matter what’. He told her to ‘lick her wounds and get on with it’ and ‘look how lucky you are – you have everything’’.

Camile said she had no voice, that she was not heard. Des said he ‘worked hard, brought in the bread and butter’ and the only reason he had to yell was to get his point across; the point being that she was so ungrateful.

In the counselling session Camile cowered in the corner of her chair while he leant over the top of her pointing his finger. Des then went on to say that he wanted her to notice him and love him and to do that he needed her to be physically intimate. Her face paled as he said this and she asked how could she participate when she was scared of him and had no respect for him. When she said this Des looked shocked and sat back in his chair. He had never thought that his actions were intimidating and abusive. He had not thought that Camile could possibly be frightened of him; her husband who worked hard to provide for the family and just needed ‘loving’ in return for this.

Des wanted Camile to love him and she wanted him to respect her, and vice versa. In reality they were both talking the same language of ‘need’ but had grown so far apart they could not overcome the damage already inflicted, to reconcile their differences and move forward.

Stories similar to Camile’s and Des’ are common. Couples often want the same ‘thing’ but are unable to communicate the need effectively and before they know it the crack between them has widened to an enormous valley that no bridge can span.

Shirley C.

Welcome to the end of March and yes I am running late with this newsletter owing to the lovely holiday I had with my two eldest boys. Actually they are 38 and 31 year old men but I cannot bring myself to call them men because to me they are, and will always be, my boys!

Christian, the youngest, lives in London where he works in Architectual design. I doubt that he will be home any time soon; and so he keeps telling me when I start to whine about ‘missing my children’ – this is to give me ‘no false hope’. Mark the eldest is a dancer who performs and works in schools both overseas and here in Australia however, he is more overseas than here. Once more I cannot see this changing any time soon, BUT I live in hope….

On a serious note I ought not complain because their dad and I always encouraged them to follow their dreams and spread their wings. Little did I think I would miss them so much though. I believe it’s an age thing as I don’t remember thinking like this until more recently. While my actual age doesn’t bother me I believe that a certain vulnerability creeps in as we look forward into our later years. I remember my mum trying to put this into words once and now I know what she means.

On a brighter note I am currently feeling very blessed that our first Grandchild is on her way, due in May. Surley she will fill the ‘missing’ gap for me!

Talking of hope earlier brings me to my topic for this month. Rather than a scenario I will put my feelings about hope into words.

To have hope is to enjoy a wonderful state of ‘being’. Hope is like a religion or philosophy because it is something tangible; something that allows us to ‘act’ or ‘be’ in the world. Misconceptions might guide us to having a low opinion of hope; a belief that it is something whimsical, fictional, something just out of our reach or a type of false optimism. It’s a matter of choice really. We can use hope to guide us and help us to achieve by setting new goals or we can look at it as a negative viewpoint to be avoided at all cost because it makes us feel awkward and uncertain.

Look at hope this way. Hope is based on a desire – neither good nor bad – and it gives us the reason to attempt new beginnings. Some new ventures will work for the best and others will not but if we do not attempt anything new because we dare not to hope, then life can become numbing, unchallenging and very boring.

It is important to nurture hope within your family. As a child, whether or not you were raised in a hopeful environment is relatively unimportant, although if you were fortunate to observe positive processes around you, your life path may flow a little easier. That does not mean you are disadvantaged if hope was not big in your family because there are ways to learn how to hope.

Building hope begins with building on the strengths of the individual. The more we develop our strengths the more our self belief grows, the more we are able to set constructive and realistic goals, the more we see useful results, the more we develop positive ‘self talk’, the more we feel stronger and the more we dare to hope that we can achieve what we want.

Realistically we have to admit that certain life crises cannot be overcome entirely with hope. Traumatic life crises causes hope to falter and the desire for hope may be futile in the face of suffering. The best we can ‘hope’ for in this instance is to ‘manage’ ourselves with practical skills learned prior to the event and asking others for help. Hope is not a miracle but it is a tool that can be developed with guidance and perseverance.

So, back to hoping that my men will return to live in Australia one day. I live with this hope and that makes my missing them bearable. I have tried bribery but that does not work, so hope it is…..

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A reminder that I have now moved office. I am very grateful to Kathryn from Rimmer Lawyers to have included me in her move from Mooloolaba to Maroochydore. If anyone has difficulty finding the new address [on the left of this newsletter] please use your GPS or google the address as it can be easily found.

Wishing you healthy well-being

Shirley C.

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Take a look at yourself      

Hi everyone – a pinch and a punch for the first day of the month!  Already we are into February! 

Really the month is of no consequence to me, however I increasingly get the sense that life in general is flying by me so rapidly  that I will surely miss something; and I want to miss nothing because I am a very inquisitive person and like to take my time to experience all circumstances rather than have them pass before my eyes without an opportunity to ponder and  digest their meaning.  Living with the truth that age has something to do with this is a little difficult….

Did I tell you that  Steve and I are going to be Grandparents for the first time?  Please forgive me if I did but I will probably mention this each newsletter until the exciting birth happens!  It is when I think about the pending birth of a new life that the words from the previous paragraph become so pertinent.  I simply don’t want to miss one second of this baby’s life or any other Grandchild we are likely to have.  I have no idea what to do about this except to relish every moment  spent with our Grandchildren helping them to learn about life and the world.

I have some news – other than baby news.  Once more the universe has turned another circle requiring me/us to move office.  I have loved every second of being at Mooloolaba Collaborative Care but sadly circumstances have changed that require all our offices to move elsewhere.  Currently we do not know where that will be and that is the exciting part.  Where one door closes another opens and along with that comes many new possibilities.  Stay posted!  Or, if you know of rooms to rent, please let us know.  

This change of office space will happen from the end of February and in the meantime – more news- I am taking time off to spend with our two oldest children who somehow have stationed themselves on the other side of the world.  I head to London on the 15th February and will return in time to set up the new office to begin work the week beginning 19th March.  In my absence if counselling is required please phone my colleague Lyn Baird on 54510555. 

Scenario

Tim and Alise have arrived for counselling because their world has turned upside down since Tim accepted a job in the mines.  Both were excited for Tim’s new opportunity for several reasons.  They both saw that they could get ahead financially by paying out the house debt and upgrading cars.  Tim also looked forward to earlier retirement.  Alise was finally able to afford to study online.

After several months of fly in and out both Tim and Alise recognised that something within their relationhip was changing.  They tried to discuss this together but could not identify the actual issue they needed to address and work on.  New dynamics were occuring and some were not pleasant.  Both commented that the usual household pattern had disappeared  and neither could find a place to ‘fit’ when Tim came home.  This made both of them edgy and unsettled around the other.  Small heated discussions developed which led to loud arguments which finally led to a push and shove situation.  Both knew instantly that their relationship was in trouble.

Alise explained that the family had become her responsibility.  While Tim was away she had to organise and schedule the children and household alone, which she learned to do well.  When Tim came home she said he ‘got in the way’.  It took the family longer to get organised because Tim did not ‘do the schedule’ her way.  Tim was wanting to alter the plan but his way did not work. 

Alternatively Tim said he did not ‘fit in’ to his household any more.  He felt left out and ignored.  When he attempted to lend a hand or suggested something new he was told to ‘butt out’.  Tim dug in and insisted that it was his right to make different plans concerning the children when he was home and Alice retaliated by accusing him of not having a clue how anything ran because he was rarely home.  Tim said he felt as though he had to ask permission of Alise to do anything.

By the time Alise and Tim came for counselling Tim was spending more and more time away from home on his return and Alise was uncommunicative and distant.  Physical intimacy was a thing of the past although that was part of the relationship which had always held fast in the past.

Options for Tim and Alise

Continue the same old behaviour and they are doomed.  Something has to change.

Each to stop looking at the situation from the point of what is fair or not fair or what is right and what is wrong?  Who is judge and jury of what is fair or what is right?

Each to take their eye off the other expecting the other to change just to suit them.  Who can we control in life?

Each one to look at their own behaviour in the situation and ask self  “what can I change about me, or my viewpoint, that will make this relationship work better”.   This is taking ownership of our own undesirable behaviour.   This stance shows self responsibility, respect and positive regard for our partner and a willingness to compromise and be more reasonable.  When this is achieved, each then observes the other attempting to alter their behaviour in a helpful way and each persons behaviour softens.  This is the win win situation.

Wishing you healthy well-being

 Shirley C.

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Here we go again, down that slippery-dip of life.  With the blink of an eye, Christmas has been and gone, as has New Year.   For all of you, I trust 2012 will bring a measure of balance in the area of  overall well-being, which, when you think about it comes down to us – the choices we make will define our year.  When we make unsuitable choices we will suffer and when we make sensible choices we will gain.  It is so liberating and empowering to know that each of us is responsible for our own destiny in our general day to day life.

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Soap Box – I feel the need to return to my soap box – it’s been a while.

Steve and I live in central Maroochydore where the traffic increases dramatically at school holiday time.  Are we generally as a nation becoming more and more careless and selfish?  I sincerely hope not.  What I see regularly in the street are drivers who continually flout the law and take other’s lives into their hands.  Where is the regard and respect? 

Last week I watched as 5 cars went through a red light.  This does not seem possible but it’s true.  The waiting cars had to wait although they had the green light. 

Another incident occured in Duporth Avenue, through the 10 klm per hour section, where I had a vehicle overtake me with other cars approaching and walkers attempting to cross.  Now I do understand that this driver may have had an emergency, however……

Enough of my whinging as I know I have faults as well.

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This month, rather than the usual scenario, I have decided to share a few of my old Sunshine Coast Daily newspaper articles with you.  That way I don’t have to think up a a topic which is sometimes very taxing for my brain!  The articles are based around family stability and happiness.  I hope you enjoy them.

Article 1

There is much truth in the words from the Bob Merrill song “Love makes the world go ‘round”.

Family life is full of ups and downs. It only takes one member of the family to feel down for this mood to rapidly grow tentacles enveloping the entire family.  Before we know it a poisonous argument has erupted and unkind words are uttered leaving the foundations of the family buckling.  Inevitably the nasty taste left in the mouth is one of regret and/or guilt.

Solid family foundations are built on love – nothing more, nothing less.  Love epitomizes values such as respect, trust, loyalty, compassion, empathy, integrity, forgiveness – and many more.

Remember back to when, as a couple, you were ‘going out’ – all the promises you made to each other that were based on an unconditional kind of love.  At the time you may have thought that your relationship and future together would be so easy because you loved each other.  After all, fairy tales tell us that love conquers all.

Is this a myth then? Well, not really.  When love, in the form of the above values, is held above all else then there is truth in the fairy tale.

The solution to the ‘down’ mood is two fold.  Either the bearer of the mood chooses to replace the bad feelings with loving feelings or, the family chooses to ignore the bad mood and be more loving to the bearer.  Either way wins.  We are not perfect angels and life can get us down but what we choose to do with the bad mood is up to us.  This applies to the perpetrator and the recipient/s.

This theory works well if trust is an established feature in the family unit because we know instinctively that the bad mood really has nothing to do with us so it is not a long term threat to the unit.  The mood eventually passes quickly if the above solution is practiced.

Article 2

Are you an older person in our community?  The chances are you may have family nearby who can help to care for you but it is possible too, that you might not.

It is not the ‘norm’ in this country for our elderly to live within the family unit, so their care is provided for primarily by the community in ‘Aged Care’ facilities.  This can be extremely daunting for the aged person, particularly if they are alone.  As we become older we have a growing need to feel part of a loving family unit but how do we ask for this from our busy family?  How do we voice this need without sounding demanding?

One might ask where the responsibility lies for the care of the aged?  Is it the responsibility of the immediate family or the community, or is it a combination of both?  These discussions can become contentious and daunting for many reasons.  Our lifestyles inAustraliaare organised and hectic, our homes are often not designed with the aged in mind or we may think the situation will take care of itself when the time comes.  The problem is that the time arrives and often we are not prepared and the older relative feels they are a nuisance or are unwanted and often feel abandoned.

The topic of care of our elderly is hugely important and should not be shelved just because it may appear difficult.  Individual families would do well to have this discussion with their elderly relatives long before the relative can no longer manage.  The older we are the more stressful these life transitions become and rather than have the decision of our care passed over to someone else it is much kinder that the aged person be included in the discussion concerning their future welfare.

Provided the family communication is open, honest, kind and loving and centred on the aged person’s individual needs, the lifestyle within an aged care facility can be adapted to, by the loved one, relatively comfortably and with minimum anxiety.        

Article 3

Is coping ability something we are born with or something we learn?  Is it based on common sense, gut instinct or do we really have to be taught it by endurance over our lifetime?  Do we learn lessons from the day we are born dependent on the severity of difficulties we are faced with?  Living is a really tough job at times.

Some families are faced with massive battles.  One has only to watch the media to see this.  Remember back to the 2011Queenslandfloods and the battle these families faced after their lives had been turned upside down. What about families where a member has died unexpectedly and  tragically?  Where does one stop?  Tragedy is apparent every day and very few of us remain unscathed over a lifetime.

When times are tough we usually go into autopilot mode or, like a toy, we turn our key on in the morning and turn it off at night.  Sometimes it’s like playing a part in a play, we are the actor acting out this event without allowing our real and personal emotion to surface – because if we really thought how enormously difficult the situation truly was we would want to lie down and die, to escape it.

The majority of us faced with enormous battles do survive, thankfully. We often hear these people say “I have learned so much”, “this has really made me grow”, “I feel my experience has made me a much better human being”.  They would be right.  These people develop a capacity for love, compassion and humility on a level unknown to them before.

When tragedy occurs the family unit can become fractured because the usual anchor, root, glue, or foundation has altered.  Nothing is as it was before. Counselling is a remarkable tool when the family system is threatened in such a way.

- Mahatma Gandhi

I look back on the highs and lows of the year and Steve and I have been blessed with a very good one.  We began 2011 with all our children back here in Australia, on the Sunshine Coast, which is a rare treat!    In March we began our four month holiday in Europe having to cut it short to three months because of a touch of homesickness and my knee, which required surgery on our return.  I then rebulit my business in new premises in Mooloolaba, which has worked well for me.  Fortunately Steve’s business survived the three months  thanks to his team of loyal workers.  In August we said good bye to Christian who left to work in London and Mark, our dancer, who was performing overseas for the balance of the year.  Lots of tears from mum experiencing the grief of goodbye.  On the bright side of that we still have Simon, Jennifer, Michael and Amie here on the Coast with Michael and Amie surprising us recently with the news that we are to be Grandparents for the very first time, in May 2012!  What beautiful news with which to end the year!  My regret and sadness, that is ever present, is the absence of our son Justin who was taken from us tragically in 1999.  Our memories of Justin remain with us forever.

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Are you enjoying this wonderful weather?  I realise that  many of us are heat sensitive but I was born in the central west of Queensland so enjoy the warmth far more than the cold of Winter.  For me the early sunrise benefits early exercise, followed up by a quick swim at Mooloolaba and a lovely coffee before I return home to begin the work day.  This habit suits me well as it stimulates my wellbeing, however the downside is that when it rains I prowl around at home like a caged lion!  However a drop of rain would be very welcome  right now.

I recognise how many of you would love to be free to do as I do each morning but are bound by young  children who cannot be left alone;  you too will have this freedom when the children are old enough to look out for themselves, or have left the nest.  Believe it or not our children become independent very quickly yet while we are in the thick of raising them we think they are going to be around and dependent on us forever!  I am very grateful that my children grew up in the years when it was acceptable, and financially possible, to move out from home at a younger age as opposed to now when parents are parenting for a longer time because their children are living at home longer.  

I do hope my oldest children don’t read this because they say that I joyfully kicked them out to fend for themselves  at the tender young age of 17 but the fact is they had to move to Brisbane to go to Uni.  Secretly though, perhaps I was a little bit glad to see them go, although I remember distinctly going through the grieving process for quite some time.  However, their leaving  freed me up to explore a new and exciting life for myself, and I really relished this.  Conversely they had to learn to make mature decsions at a younger age because I was not around to be relied on, or to help.          

Many of my clients are women in their early 50’s who are struggling to find a meaningful life while they are fulfilling their role as homemaker.  They identify so much with their roles as mother, wife and daughter, that they feel they have lost their way in the world, lost their true essence, that of ‘woman’.  They crave time to explore what the world really means to them.  They cannot see a future where they will be living only for themself and they wonder if they will ever be able to adjust to being ‘allowed’ to think only about themself.

On the other hand I see male clients who tell me a similar story.  Men often feel tied down and supressed by their ongoing role as provider.  Many tire of the same old, day by day, routine.  It is extremely difficult for a man to give up the position they know best to venture down a new path when the family relies on that income.  Many men would have spent years learning a trade or attending a tertiarty institution, followed by working their way up to a comfortable salary, so to change jobs could involve less salary.  How will the family manage if he gives up his usual role and how can he find time for himself when he works such a long, tiring day and will he be seen as selfish if he changes his job or takes that alone time?

Both men and women are faced with ‘identity’ issues and most are time poor.

Couples often feel guilty if they take time for themselves because they feel they are letting their partner and family down.  One such couple are Trudy and John.

Trudy works part-time in her massage business while John is a landscape gardener.  They have three children, ages 11, 13 and 17.  Trudy always wanted her own business so she could set her hours around the needs of the family as well as fulfilling her desire to have an outside interest.  Both Trudy and John discussed the purchase of the business and agreed that Trudy would have more freedom and flexibility than she would working for someone else.  All went well initially however Trudy found she was busier than ever with two staff members which generated more clients which meant more hours in administration.  Trudy not only worked in the business but on it and eventually was working a 40 hour week.

John was away from home early in the morning, finishing work late in the day then spending time in the gym on his way home three nights per week.  He also attended Toastmasters fortnightly.  Initially Trudy encouraged John to continue his outside pursuits but over time she felt weighed down by her work and home commitments.  She felt it was not fair to the kids if she too pursued her own hobbies in her time off, so she said nothing to John and continued denying herself time to relax.  John was oblivious to the mounting storm.  John helped out as much as possible around the house but being so tired he often went to bed early leaving Trudy to finish off alone. 

Eventually Trudy said something to John about how she was feeling, but by then Trudy had become very resentful and frustrated and when John said he could not see any issue because Trudy had never complained before, Trudy exploded.  

John and Trudy came to counselling.  The process was a long one because old ingrained habits, perceptions and expectations had to be changed.  Both John and Trudy had relied upon each other for all the wrong reasons – because it was their perceived role, because that’s how their parents had done it, because society dictated this and because they had never discussed these perceptions and expectations, re their parenting roles, pror to having children.  

Eventually, because John and Trudy cherished their relationship and each other, and maintained the common long term goal of being together forever, they survived.  We worked out a routine that allowed for time alone, both separately and together, and time together as a family.  John and Trudy were happy to enlist babysitters if their separate schedules interfered with alone or together time.  John and Trudy loved the new, more open way they were thinking, feeling and behaving within the relationship and the family unit.  Their self worth and self respect grew and floursihed and fed into the family unit as a whole.

It’s never too late to be a Trudy and John.

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I hope you enjoy the following video clip.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream.
A dream you dream together is reality.

JOHN LENNON

IF YOU HAVE FIVE MINS TO DREAM HIS DREAM – FOLLLOW THIS LINK AND BLISS OUT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp9dc9im3

This is my last newsletter of the year.  Both Steve and I wish to thank each and every one of you for your support of me and my practice and your never ending belief in yourselves that

“You can do it!”

Wishing you healthy well-being and a safe, joyful and relaxing Christmas and New Year!

Shirley C.

Over a lifetime, a roller coaster of events is experienced that shakes and often reshapes one’s philosophy on life and the intimacy of personal thinking, feelings and behaviour. The priority and importance of certain values is questioned when difficult life changes occur. Events can cause questioning of who one really is, resulting in family members struggling to reconcile this person with the one they used to know.

Too often the family itself becomes an added problem because the person is not coping well with other aspects of their life. While the family has done nothing to add to this discomfort, the person tends to lump everything into the same ‘too hard basket’. Too often it appears easier to give up the family and walk out; and the very unit, which is there especially for support, is abandoned. Looking outside for help can be daunting and lonely whereas integrating within the family can be familiar and comforting. To stand back and re-evaluate one’s position in the family unit takes strength and courage. Walking out may not be the long term solution.

When change is recognised as a given in life, it can be looked at in a meaningful way. The family unit can stand by as support while re-evaluation takes place; evaluation of who we have become, what our needs are now and where to go from here can be safely considered. Help is often standing firm and solid by our side but we are so blinded by our discomfort that, before we know it, we have turned our back on the familiar hopes and dreams we so methodically put in place all those years prior.

When vulnerability and risk is encouraged and change is courageously confronted, healthy adaption to difficult life changes comes about more readily, with less need to unravel the fabric of family life.

RH