August 2011

Welcome to August everyone and welcome to more of this beautiful weather!

Since my wonderful holiday I am feeling very refreshed and enthusiastic about the future so, in line with that I am making changes within my business. I have been happily working from Life Bridge in Maroochydore thanks to the kindness of my colleague Lyn Baird. However, come September I am moving to a room in Mooloolaba within a Collaborative Care setting where my intuition tells me I have to be.

Mooloolaba Collaborative Care is the idea of the Principal of Rimmer Lawyers, Kathryn Hodges. Kathryn approached me with her concept of connecting a group of ‘helping’ professionals through the letting of rooms within her premises. Each business will maintain it’s separate identity by working independently from one another. Moving here will mean I can be more flexible with the days and hours I work, which is new for me as I have always had to share a room with other practitioners. My husband also loves the idea because he won’t be tripping over my office furniture which is currently in the hallway, lounge and 3rd bedroom of our unit! I love the position of my new room, Corner Smith and Muraban Streets, directly adjacent to the Brisbane Road Carpark behind the collection of boutiques and coffee shops on the Esplanade, Mooloolaba.

Another level of change will occur within the actual counselling session where I intend to incorporate strategies to target the complete wellness of the client. It is fair to say that I currently do this but I see so much value for the client that I will seek to further expand on this idea. I will work [w]holistically with the client by looking at all areas of their health – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. The data I have gathered over the past few years shows that client’s are looking for a ‘whole’ health identity for them self, their partner and their family. It makes sense to me to work holistically with the client because when we are healthy [in all these areas] we are better equipped to deal with relationships and life in general.

I will be ‘selling’ myself as a Relationship Specialist and Health Mentor. Fortunately I have qualifications in Holistic Health gained from the Australian College of Natural Medicine. For more information on this avenue of health please contact me with your questions.

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This month’s scenario:

Denise’s husband Antony worked a huge week and seemed never to be at home. Denise missed his company, his attention, his help and his interaction with the children. She did not know if she had the right to mention her unhappiness to him when he worked so hard for them. What’s more Antony seemed not to mind and appeared very contented with his life.

Denise and Kayleen met when working on tuckshop together and became good friends. Kayleen’s company made up for the lack of Antony’s. Kayleen was available to Denise because she was widowed and gradually they spent more time together. Kayleen became the partner Denise wanted. Everyone was happy.

Over time, Kayleen and Denise and the children grew to be a family. Antony, their friends and acquaintances fondly called them the ‘married couple’. Eventually though, Antony grew concerned as Denise was away from home many nights and weekends. He too had become lonely and felt isolated from his children so he spoke to Denise about this. When Antony asked Denise to spend more time at home Denise was shocked when she discovered she did not want to be home at all. However, Denise was married to Antony and felt she owed this to him and their family.

So, Antony and Denise sought counselling. The counsellor asked both were they committed to making the relationship work. Antony said ‘yes’, Denise said she ‘did not know but would try’. Gradually, and with mutual agreement, Denise and Kayleen spent less time together. Over the coming months, and with guidance from the counsellor, Denise tried hard to fulfill her role as wife and Antony spent more time at home with Denise and the children. Eventually Denise’s health began failing, she lost motivation, felt lethargic, could not sleep, cried a lot and her general placidness was replaced with angry outbursts. The counsellor gently pressed Denise to address her feelings about what was happening until Denise admitted she was pining for Kayleen and no longer loved Antony. In fact Denise said she loved Kayleen and wanted Kayleen as her lifetime partner. Although Kayleen had kindly and caringly kept her distance, when approached by Denise, she also spoke of her desire to commit to a relationship with Denise.

Naturally Antony was devastated but he chose to let Denise go because he could see how ill she had become and wanted her to be happy. With the counsellor’s guidance Antony, Kayleen and Denise, individually explored the unusual situation in which they they found themselves. They looked at how they could make the transition into their new roles easier for each other and for the children. They joined together when confronted with judgmental and biased opinion from family, friends and the community.

Eventually Kayleen and Denise, with collective strength, established their position as a couple within the community. Acceptance came slowly from their inner circle of relatives and friends. Antony lived separately but shared family responsibility in all ways. Antony and Denise’s children, and Kayleen’s, slowly adapted and admitted feeling ‘special’ to be loved by all three parents.

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Quote –unknown author.

A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.

The moth seemed to be stuck and appeared to have stopped making progress. It seemed as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. The man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth; so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But its body was swollen and small, its wings wrinkled and shriveled. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to and able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a small, swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

The man in his kindness and haste did not understand that the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was necessary to force fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight upon achieving its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets, and don’t forget the power in the struggle.

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Following is an article written Dr Pauline Wallin “Too much web surfing impairs focus” that supports my belief that we need to look at our health holistically.

http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/too-much-web-surfing-impairs-focus/

Have you noticed lately, that it’s getting harder and harder to sit down and focus on reading a book for an hour, or even 15 minutes?

According to author Nicholas Carr, the Internet is to blame. In his book, The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains, Carr outlines research showing the impact of web surfing and multitasking on brain functions. He concludes that we have become so accustomed to the constant stream of information from online activities that our brains are actually getting rewired for distractibility.

We are processing more information than ever before. With a click of a button we can get the latest news and weather, shop for just about anything, read movie reviews, and engage in dozens of other information-gathering tasks – all within a few minutes.

But rarely do we stop and reflect on what we read online. Eye-tracking studies have shown that the average time spent on a web page is less than five seconds – enough to read 18 words at most.

In between web surfing, we check email, answer text messages, update our Face book page and respond to popup windows urging us to update our software. Our minds are constantly distracted. No wonder we have trouble focusing!

So what does all this mean for our brains? There is scientific evidence that the more you engage in a given behavioural pattern, the more the brain adapts to it. Thus, if you are used to switching from one task to another in rapid succession, your brain is going to make it easier and more efficient for you to do so – but at a price. That price is greater distractibility and less capacity for deep reflection and creativity.

Is this permanent? Fortunately, no. Your capacity for deep thinking is not lost; it’s just dormant. To get it back, it’s not necessary to unplug completely from the Internet. But you do need to plan ahead and exercise self-control.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS…

Take scheduled breaks from the Internet – Walk away from your computer and turn off data reception on your mobile device for at least 30 minutes. During your break do something that relaxes your mind, such as talking to a friend, exercising or listening to music – whatever helps you to decompress. There’s a whole world out there – and it’s in 3D!

Make time for nature. If you can’t get outside, water your plants or look through some photos of the outdoors. Studies have shown that doing so can improve your concentration and attentiveness afterward.

When doing work at your computer, close your email program and your browser. Removing distractions makes it easier to stick to your task.

Set a quota for online activities such as checking email or Face book. For example, limit such things to once per hour, or as a reward for completing a work-related task.

If you have trouble sticking to your promises to yourself, unplug your modem or get a program that locks you out of the Internet for a designated period of time.